


This Might as Well Happen

by Yotsubadancesintherain5



Category: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Angst and Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Gen, Shorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:40:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23160358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yotsubadancesintherain5/pseuds/Yotsubadancesintherain5
Summary: The Holy Quintet as described by John Mulaney stand-up comedy quotes.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 27





	1. Madoka

**Author's Note:**

> So I drew the original series Puella girls with quotes from John Mulaney’s stand-up routines, and decided that there was some “character study” fic potential there. I will say that the first few became way darker and melancholic than the quotes they were inspired by, so for convenience’s sake I put them in order from what I thought was the most melancholic to the most light-hearted.  
> The title itself is from "New in Town."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do all of my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?" - Kid Gorgeous at Radio City

Madoka was lying in bed and tossing and turning. Her mind was running in lists.

The first days after Mami died Madoka would wake up and in the hazy half-awake, half-asleep moments believe that it was all a nightmare. Clarity would arrive and her heart would sink.

With everything else, guiltily, Madoka’s memory of the death that contained crunched bones and the faintest amount of struggle was becoming faded.

Mami’s home was locked up. It was a tomb with no body.

Homura was cold and sour and had been sick for so long and in their first meeting seemed almost ethereal. A girl born from a dream and walking with her head high and poised. Tiredness flicked in her dull eyes at times. In fleeting moments Madoka could see something akin to sadness.

Kyoko thrived on her own morals. Her interactions with Sayaka brought biting barbs and attacks. Even so even she seemed horrified by the lengths Sayaka was going to kill Witches.

Sayaka was pulling away from Madoka. She was slowly killing herself and Madoka didn’t know how to stop her.

Madoka wondered, miserably, if all of this would go away if she just took that contract.

If she was more proactive and stood tall like she was supposed to; but then Homura’s words, Mami’s death and final wish that was ripped away from her, and Sayaka’s downward spiral made Madoka hesitate.

Madoka closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep. It didn’t overtake her but a part of her was not disappointed.

With the road everyone around her was headed there was no hope in a new day.


	2. Homura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day I'll die." - New in Town

Homura was used to hearing that her face was as readable as a book. It flitted from nervous, to upset, to shy to even more nervous.

When she met Madoka and Mami, all that time ago, she was happy for the first time in a long time.

Now it seemed that all the emotions were scuffed out of her.

Reaching out her hand led to death. Pouring out her warnings led to mistrust. Nobody remembered her and slowly she cared less and less.

The ticks and tocks of a clock were always in her head, incessant, and she could see the countdown behind her eyelids every time she slept. Homura could not remember what it was like to have a peaceful sleep.

She only had to save Madoka. The others could help if they so desired but if they proved any harm to Madoka then they should stay out of the way. In the end, always, they died.

Homura felt like her emotions were stored in the place where her soul used to be; on particularly hard days it felt like these locked-up, nebulous feelings were burning through her.

She wondered how long it would take until her entire self, what little was left of it, would be scuffed away.


	3. Sayaka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Something happened there. You hope it was a miracle. But probably not." - New in Town

Sayaka stood on the hospital roof. So many days ago, hearing Kyousuke’s violin playing was like a piece of heaven. It went alongside the murmurs that the recovery of his hand was a miracle.

She wondered, now, if a miracle meant sacrificing so greatly.

The rejection ached and gnawed at her insides but it was nothing to what happened the day he left the hospital.

Even if he didn’t love her in that way she thought they were friends. It could’ve been explained that he left without telling her because it was sudden.

But Kyousuke never sought her out afterwards. She could never face him again because of what she became.

She had given too much of herself away for him. In the end she didn’t matter as much to him and that thought tore at her insides.

Sayaka tried to throw out all thoughts of him. 

But she soon learned that people left roots in the heart and as much as she tried to tear them out, burn them, and scatter the ashes to the wind they found a way to grow again; an infestation that hurt with every beat.

Sayaka did not know how to stop the hurt.


	4. Kyoko

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Thirteen year olds are the meanest people in the world." - New in Town

Curt words came easy to Kyoko. Some would consider it an art to get under someone’s skin and have their irritating words burrow deep.

It was something she had control over.

Mami was in the middle in terms of being able to tease. She took light-hearted insults with a stern look or indifference. Anything more dire would result in a scathing talking-to, which Kyoko actively avoided.

Homura was like a stone wall. Exactly like a stone wall’s use Kyoko would lob off insults to see which sounded good when actually said. It was a victory when Homura showed a smidge of emotion to the insults.

Sayaka was the easiest to send in annoyance. It was almost too easy, and she would fight back with spit and fire; that definitely added to the fun.

But every time Kyoko looked at Madoka’s earnest face the prepared insults would melt away.

It seemed that at least a part of Kyoko’s personality was soft.


	5. Mami

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're living the golden years, kid, not me!" - New in Town

Mami looked around the room that the newly appointed powerful Madoka created. Mami’s home was even cozier in this dreamy-like state.

“It was always the place I thought of,” Madoka said. “Our secrets were shared here, after all.”

Occasionally Mami could see hazy memories around the table. Flickers of her friends all across the timelines. Somehow it made her happy.

“Mami’s got a nice place,” Kyoko said beside her. “It probably makes up for being the one that got her head bitten off, right?”

“Oh – maybe,” Mami said, wondering how she would reconcile the particular death. “But it was only once, right?”

Madoka winced. Kyoko, with no tact, started spilling more sordid details.

“It looks like that one happened a lot whenever Homura was too late! Sorry, even though we had that big fight I would’ve helped save you.”

“Oh my,” Mami said.

“Mami, did you know that in one timeline you totally got me?” Kyoko made a morbid gesture alongside her words.

Mami could feel the blood drain from her face. It made Kyoko laugh uproariously, banging her fist on the glass table.

When she caught her breath she said, “Eh, whatever. I got you a couple of times, too, so we’re even.”

“Kyoko, that’s so blasé,” Madoka said.

“Look at my life! Doesn’t it just seem like it would end in those ways, or in equally awful deaths?” The words sounded bitter but the next were devoid of bitterness.

“I finally feel safe here.”

Mami nodded. She thought of her own wish. What a wish, to ask for more borrowed time, living in loneliness and guilt, and then dying right when happiness was in her grasp.

“How awful,” Mami muttered.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better I enjoyed what little time we had together,” Kyoko said. The emotional weight was somewhat ruined by the added words, “Except for the times when we tried to kill each other.”

Mami punctuated it by giving her a tentative pat on the back. Kyoko surprised her by pulling her into a slightly rough hug.

When they drew apart Madoka spoke.

“It’s time for both of you to return to a new life. I want you to know that there will be happiness waiting for all of us at the end of this.”

Kyoko’s grin had an added cheekiness. Mami reached for Kyoko’s hand as Madoka used her magic to guide them back to Earth.

The rules were rewritten. It was a fresh start. There was hope in this new morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this.


End file.
